Once around the block!

Ever since I stopped taking xanax a year ago, my body is doing crazy things.  Its hard to know what's actually a true physical symptom of an illness or "just nerves."  Anxiety can do some crazy things to the body!  I have days where the front of my arms and legs feel like they're asleep.  I get tingling everywhere.  Also prickly feelings in the front of my neck.  When I get really anxious, the blood rushes to my head and I feel like I'm drunk.  That is the worst!  That's what happens when I'm out in public!  It messes with my senses.  I feel like I can't walk straight.  The other day I was going up two steps and misjudged and fell!  Thank goodness I was in my front yard!  Of course the neighbors probably think I'm a drunk!  I wish I could say who cares what they think, but that doesn't work!  So my first homework assignment in cognitive behavior therapy was to go outside and walk just past my next door neighbor's house.  Then to the end of the block.  A whopping 3 houses!!!  But for me that's a success!  And you have to celebrate every small step!  Now I can walk all the way around the block.  But I can't do it carefree.  That's what I want.  I want to feel carefree.  I've never felt comfortable going out in public.  Even on the xanax I didn't feel carefree.  It masked the physical symptoms, but not the emotional ones.  I've struggled with this my whole life.  I didn't understand until recently that this is another symptom of anxiety.  I just thought I was shy.  I don't know why, but for some reason recognizing this makes me feel better about it.  I guess because its something I can work on.  So for now, I celebrate being able to walk all the way around the block... even if I don't feel carefree.