Today is a rough day. My palms and fingers feel like they are raw. And it feels like there are little fingers inside my belly, tickling me! I havn't been out of the house all week. I've been using the weather as an excuse. I have to make myself go for a walk today. The longer I go without leaving the house, the harder it is to do it again. The weather is supposed to be pretty good this afternoon and tomorrow, so I have no excuse! Why does it have to be so hard?
I can live with the fear that I feel... I just can't handle these crazy physical symptoms. Sometimes I don't even realize I am anxious until these symptoms start. On days like today I wake up with it and it doesn't go away. It makes me angry that being on xanax for so long and then going off of it is causing all this. They call it "Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome." I had just gotten my massage therapy license when I started weaning off the Xanax. I was looking forward to starting work. I worked for 2 months at a spa on an as needed basis, but had to stop. I wanted to do "spa day" parties. Now I'm just trying to get through the days. I've seriously considered talking to a lawyer to see if my former psychiatrist could be held responsible. I'm not a person who wants to sue for every little thing. But I've lost a whole year's income. I worked my whole adult life until last February.
I'm not writing all this to get sympathy and I hate to sound like I feel sorry for myself. I just want to put in writing everything I'm experiencing. I'm reaching out to support others and get support for myself. If there is anybody out there who is going through this, I would love to hear from you. My email is Shellybeanj@gmail.com.
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